​TWO WAYS YOU CAN HELP ME AS I PREPARE FOR SURGERY...

​1. Help me select a pre-op song.

With surgery a month away, the thing I find myself fearing the most is the moment when my family kisses me goodbye, I'm put on a gurney, and rolled off to the surgical room - alone. So I'm trying to think of a way to lighten the mood. (Yes, I've seen the viral videos and no, I'm not going to have my medical team break out into song and dance. Because quite frankly, am I the only one who thinks asking doctors to learn a synchronized dance is a lot to impose on already busy professionals? Not to mention I wouldn't even know how to broach the subject with them.) Having said that, I do like the idea of music. So I'm looking for suggestions for the perfect pre-surgery song.  I want something that will make me feel assertive and strong (think Eye of the Tiger.) Front runners right now include: Police and Thieves by The Clash, Raw Power by The Stooges and Ready, Steady, Go by Generation X. However, don't feel you have to limit your suggestions to punk songs. It can be gangster rap, an 80’s hairband, a song with lyrics ironic to the occasion, your favorite workout song, or if you know me well maybe a song tied to a good memory together. I would love your suggestions, as you my reader/friends, have been such an important part of this journey that listening to a song suggested by you will remind me of my support system.

2. Help with my kids.

The  thought that has been keeping me up at night is worrying about not being able to care for my daughters while I'm at the hospital and during the weeks that I'm recovering. I really don't want them to look back at this summer with sadness. So what I need from you this time friends, especially those of you who are local, is to let me know concrete days and ways you are available to help us out.  Can you take them to the beach, to a museum, a local park, or even out for pizza?  I need them to be able to look back at this summer as a time of joy.

​THREE WAYS YOU CAN HELP ME AS I PREPARE FOR SURGERY...

​1. Help me select a pre-op song.

​With surgery a little over a month away, the thing I find myself fearing the most is the moment when my family kisses me goodbye, I'm put on a gurney, and rolled off to the surgical room - alone. So I'm trying to think of a way to lighten the mood. (Yes, I've seen the viral videos and no, I'm not going to have my medical team break out into song and dance. Because quite frankly, am I the only one who thinks asking doctors to learn a synchronized dance is a lot to impose on already busy professionals? Not to mention I wouldn't even know how to broach the subject with them.) Having said that, I do like the idea of music. So I'm looking for suggestions for the perfect pre-surgery song.  I want something that will make me feel assertive and strong (think Eye of the Tiger.) Front

A dumb ass decision lands me on crutches, but teaches me something awesome.

So this past weekend I landed myself on crutches after falling from a zip line. Makes me sound pretty awesome and adventurous doesn't it? But actually it was the result of a  stupid decision and a poorly orchestrated plan to let my three year old daughter go on my sister-in-law’s backyard zip line during a family party. Of note (as it will be relevant as this story progresses) my husband was playing a show with his band in NY and wasn't in attendance at the party but his mother, his three siblings, and their spouses were.

So the accident went something like this: my three year old expresses interest in going on the zip line. I contemplate how and if we should do this, but go against my helicopter parenting instinct recalling that #1, one of her uncles somehow helped her onto the same zip line two weeks earlier.  And #2, earlier in the night she did absolutely fine in the pool without me (even though I wasn’t initially comfortable with that either).  So, I find another one of her uncles - because I'm of the belief that uncles are the perfect chaperones to assist my daughters in venturing out of their (and my) comfort zone. My daughter confidently climbs the ladder of the platform and I follow behind. My daughter and I stand on the platform (which I later found out wasn't intended for standing on) and I start to help her onto the zip line, with my brother-in-law right below us.  Then something happens, I lose my footing - maybe my Crocs cause me to slip on the muddy surface (no judgment on the Crocs, as they are actually really cute ballet flats) or maybe I am reaching for my daughter as she loosens her grip... or perhaps it was just a combination of both, but I fall off the ledge and throw my daughter off with me. My brother in law thankfully catches my daughter as I plummet to the ground, ultimately spraining my knee.

So why is all this relevant to a blog about my plans for a preventative mastectomy you might ask? Because in the hours that followed my fall, I couldn't do anything on my own. I couldn't stand, I couldn't walk, and I couldn't hover over my daughters. I needed my in-laws to help me do everything and I mean EVERYTHING. They carried me up and down stairs, helped me on and off the toilet, helped me into bed, prepared our meals, picked up my husband from a train station, etc., etc., etc. Thankfully, these are many of the very same people who I have lined up to care for myself and my daughters during and after my surgery. They were there for me and my daughters ten fold and I'm so grateful and appreciative.

As my surgery is getting closer and closer, the thing I find myself worrying about most is whether my daughters will be okay without me.  Well, I got a sneak peek at the generosity and love of  their caretakers weekend. Here is a snapshot of my adventure loving daughter having a blast while I was at the ER.

 

Clearly, we will get through this.

Slowing Down

As you may or may not have noticed, I've slowed down with “My Mastectomy” lately. Here is why:

1. It’s not on my mind and I have less time to give. Perhaps I'm in denial, perhaps I'm distracted by things like parenting and work (I'm now working increased hours at my three part time jobs) but basically,  I just haven't been thinking much about my breasts. Thankfully, being brca1+, the preventive surgeries, etc. just haven’t been on my mind lately. I also have not had any breast related appointments for a while.

2. I don't need it emotionally. In October, when I was still trying to make sense of my diagnosis and was overwhelmed by appointments and concerns over a lump, writing helped me process it all. But now that I'm lump free, and in a good place emotionally, I don't NEED to blog the way I did.

3. I have another opportunity to write. “My Mastectomy” has been an opportunity to do something I love - writing. However, I'm now blogging as part of one of my jobs. This has been great for me, as it's a paid opportunity to express myself in this manner.

I still do intend to write. I'll definitely write after appointments or when I need to work something out. And I'm sure as my surgery gets closer, I'll need the therapeutic element of blogging to be part of my life again. But for now, I'm slowing down.

As you may or may noAs you may or may not have noticed, I've slowed down with “My Mastectomy” lately.  t have noticed, I've slowed down with “My Mastectomy” lately. As you may or may not have noticed, I've slowed down with “My Mastectomy” lately.  As you may or may not have noticed, I've slowed down with “My Mastectomy” lately.